Being Discriminated For Being Gay At Work

[Dolce]

So I think I'm being discriminated at my work for being gay.   Out of all the non manager crew members I've been working at this restaurant the longest. I'm super experienced and damn good at my job so whenever someone new gets hired, I'm the one to train them. I was assigned to train these new guys and they are always snappy and defensive when I try to teach them even though my tone of voice is very calm. Yet when my coworker (who is straight) tries to teach them something they listen with no problem.

And I'M the one getting in trouble because my managers are getting impatient with me because Im complaining about having to train so often but i can't explain why. I also feel like my managers are homophobic just by their body language and stuff but they've never actually said anything so I can't do anything about that. I feel so frustrated and like there's no way out.  I've thought about just quitting but the pay is good and I enjoy what I do.  idk what to do...

Sorry for the long post. 

 

[Babydoll]

You should be strong Bb , I'm not gay, and you might think my words are not important, but, I see your case like bullying, I've been bullied and I know the feeling about everybody hating on you and treating you bad. Don't let anyone ruin your job and your life, if that's the job you like, you can talk with your boss about the new hired people not being respectful with you, or, you could look for a new job, maybe you won't have the same salary, but you may be happier there



Thank you so much for tell us your story, I hope you can find an answer

[Dolce]

You should be strong Bb , I'm not gay, and you might think my words are not important, but, I see your case like bullying, I've been bullied and I know the feeling about everybody hating on you and treating you bad. Don't let anyone ruin your job and your life, if that's the job you like, you can talk with your boss about the new hired people not being respectful with you, or, you could look for a new job, maybe you won't have the same salary, but you may be happier there

Thank you so much for tell us your story, I hope you can find an answer

Thanks bb    

I tried to tell my boss that I felt disrespected but he just blew it off and said that I just needed to assert myself more like my coworker. But tbh I think he's homophobic too. There was this one time at closing time I just asked to no one particular "I'm gonna clean up/take stock. Anyone want to do it with me?"  and my boss said "Promise you aren't going to try anything on me back there?" and he laughed like it was a joke. But it was actually really offensive.   My coworkers noticed it too..

Anyways I think my only option is to quit but tbh, aside from my dumb manager and those guys im training, I really like my coworkers. We're like a family. I really don't want to leave but I feel really discriminated.

[Babydoll]

Thanks bb

I tried to tell my boss that I felt disrespected but he just blew it off and said that I just needed to assert myself more like my coworker. But tbh I think he's homophobic too. There was this one time at closing time I just asked to no one particular "I'm gonna clean up/take stock. Anyone want to do it with me?" and my boss said "Promise you aren't going to try anything on me back there?" and he laughed like it was a joke. But it was actually really offensive. My coworkers noticed it too..

Anyways I think my only option is to quit but tbh, aside from my dumb manager and those guys im training, I really like my coworkers. We're like a family. I really don't want to leave but I feel really discriminated.

OMG anyone deserves feeling like that , I really wish you all the best, and I know it might be hard at the beginning, but I'm sure you will get a better job

[JoshLee]

Don't care what they say. You are just you and they should accept you for who you are. Plus if your doing your job well, then they should just shut up because you're amazing at your job!

 

Just move on. If people you serve have no problem with you, and they like you then no need to worry because that means bigger tip and more money for you

[P.S.I.]

If you are ever discriminated for anything,including being gay or from another country or black/asian or whatever - you should put your feelings first. This is a serious offense and nobody deserves to feel like that. I completely understand where you're coming from,but you should always put yourself first. You are most probably very skilled and you deserve to be a manager,since you usually train people so well and stuff,but sometimes even the money can't do the job for you - maybe your collegues and you are like a big family,etc, a familiar feeling for me,but do you feel put off in a family enviroment? Or discriminated? Or bad in general? Think about it. I hope it all works out for you well,but remember  - always put yourself first,because in the end of the day it's you that has been fucked up all this time and it can't be fixed.

[Kyros]

i think that you are the problem, and no, im not saying that its because that you are gay, at the end nobody give a fuck about that, you should trust more in yourself and be more agresive in your way to train people, at the end you are the boss to your trainee, so take control of the situation, if you always think like "oh they wont pay me atention cause im gay" then you are giving up before even to try

 

so... in other words, take out your inner bitch, and make them see who rules!. but always keep respect to your partner.

 

i used to be like that, but then i take out mah inner bitch and i started to gave no fucks about been gay, and now almost all  my friends are heterosexual

 

at the end they where afraid of me cause i was too shy so they tried to be away from me so it was a like a endless cicle so you better break that cicle cause only YOU can do it!

 

 

[LiaLovesGodney]

Thanks bb

I tried to tell my boss that I felt disrespected but he just blew it off and said that I just needed to assert myself more like my coworker. But tbh I think he's homophobic too. There was this one time at closing time I just asked to no one particular "I'm gonna clean up/take stock. Anyone want to do it with me?" and my boss said "Promise you aren't going to try anything on me back there?" and he laughed like it was a joke. But it was actually really offensive. My coworkers noticed it too..

Anyways I think my only option is to quit but tbh, aside from my dumb manager and those guys im training, I really like my coworkers. We're like a family. I really don't want to leave but I feel really discriminated.

That could be considered sexual harassment by your boss for making you and your coworkers feel uncomfortable with his sexual innuendo. I just did a training course for my job on what counts as harassment. What your boss said does.

I believe this could be discrimination. Maybe though you are asked to train because you are so good at your job, although I have a feeling it's because your boss thinks you won't say no or complain (?). But regardless you need to be treated with respect. If things continue like this or get worse, you could either file a complaint or quit. But you said you don't want to do that, so maybe confront the entire staff in a reverse intervention type thing. Be assertive and sure of yourself. Let them know that no one should feel uncomfortable at their place of work.

Good luck

[ValetGirls]

Thanks bb    

I tried to tell my boss that I felt disrespected but he just blew it off and said that I just needed to assert myself more like my coworker. But tbh I think he's homophobic too. There was this one time at closing time I just asked to no one particular "I'm gonna clean up/take stock. Anyone want to do it with me?"  and my boss said "Promise you aren't going to try anything on me back there?" and he laughed like it was a joke. But it was actually really offensive.   My coworkers noticed it too..

Anyways I think my only option is to quit but tbh, aside from my dumb manager and those guys im training, I really like my coworkers. We're like a family. I really don't want to leave but I feel really discriminated.

 

 

:watthe: ...   

 

what a bag of dicks tbqfh

[Dolce]

i think that you are the problem, and no, im not saying that its because that you are gay, at the end nobody give a fuck about that, you should trust more in yourself and be more agresive in your way to train people, at the end you are the boss to your trainee, so take control of the situation, if you always think like "oh they wont pay me atention cause im gay" then you are giving up before even to try

 

so... in other words, take out your inner bitch, and make them see who rules!. but always keep respect to your partner.

 

i used to be like that, but then i take out mah inner bitch and i started to gave no fucks about been gay, and now almost all  my friends are heterosexual

 

at the end they where afraid of me cause i was too shy so they tried to be away from me so it was a like a endless cicle so you better break that cicle cause only YOU can do it!

Yeah I tried that. But the more authoritative i am with them, the more sarcastic they get with me. I think they feel like their manliness is threatened by being around me or something.  Not sure whether I should keep bringing my inner bitch out or be calmer.  

[Kyros]

Thanks bb    

I tried to tell my boss that I felt disrespected but he just blew it off and said that I just needed to assert myself more like my coworker. But tbh I think he's homophobic too. There was this one time at closing time I just asked to no one particular "I'm gonna clean up/take stock. Anyone want to do it with me?"  and my boss said "Promise you aren't going to try anything on me back there?" and he laughed like it was a joke. But it was actually really offensive.   My coworkers noticed it too..

Anyways I think my only option is to quit but tbh, aside from my dumb manager and those guys im training, I really like my coworkers. We're like a family. I really don't want to leave but I feel really discriminated.

 

 

lol dude chill out, heterosexual guys do that kind of jokes all the time, its their way to say "i dont care if you are gay" yeah they got a weird form to do it but just take the joke and take control of the situation, in my case i would response "i promise i wont do anything you dont want to  if you know what i mean "  they joke all the time about sex in some disrespectful ways but thats they way to get along, they even joke about sex beetween themself with another guys

 

is like gay people we always call beetween us bitch, whore and that kind of stuff, and heterosexual people see that as weird and offensive but for us is not.

 

i should make a book for gay people called "how to get along with a heterosexual" tbh

 

by the way whats your age?

 

 

Yeah I tried that. But the more authoritative i am with them, the more sarcastic they get with me. I think they feel like their manliness is threatened by being around me or something.  Not sure whether I should keep bringing my inner bitch out or be calmer.  

been authoritative dosnt mean that you should be serious, just try to be one of the boys, but without lie to yourself, always be true about you sexual orientation.

 

me for example when im with my heterosexual friends i talk kind of diferent than with my gay friends (i can be queer as i want with mah gay friends) but not with hetero friends),with hetero friends i talk more about sports, i joke more about sex and that kind of stuff, but i never deny that im gay, they even know that i love britney cause i wear my britney shirt and they ok with it one time they gave some britney cd's that they found in a store, but it took time to balance all the things and be where i am now, cause at first i was scared of them so i was very serious and only talk about work and that kind of stuff, so they joke all the time about having sex with me or if i want to duck their D's so i was angry but i never said a thing,i just ignore them, then one day i was drunk at school so they make joke again and i take their joke and i owned making a cool reply, so we started to joke and puff thats how i get along with them.

 

so i really dont know if this is your situation, im just saying my point of view from what happen to me so i hope this help you