Just needed to get it off my chest

[Lsuboi89]

So I'm pretty much just having an off day and just want to get stuff off my chest really. I'm the type that tends to be the one who helps fix people's problems and hates to have to make them listen to mine. So figured this is a good way to vent since I don't really know any of u.

I'm kinda at a low point in my dating life right now. Yes I've been single for 25 years so I guess it's been a ton of lows. I see friends kissing, being in love, and happy and I'm extremely happy for them. Just wish it would happen to me as well. Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed. I have an amazing job, greatest family and friends you could ask for, get to travel the world etc. But I can't lie, not having someone be there for me kinda sucks.

Most of it's my fault I guess. I'm insecure as hell, talk to much, come off wrong, my words are misinterrupted, way too honest, I come on strong, I'm an open book, stubborn, head strong, independent, and the list goes on. In other words I'm probably the furtherest from flawless as they come. I just don't know how to fix it. I always want to be myself, it's just I've been out through a ton with guys. It's hard for me to open up when I've been played and rejected so many times. Seems like everytime I start building my confidence it gets broken down by someone. I want the guy who can accept those flaws, help me work on them, make me a better person, etc. But I'm starting to think that will never happen.

I was the chubby kid all my life, first time without a shirt on in public was last year. So I think that has a lot to do with it. Just how do u fight that mentality u have lived with for so long? Blah... I'm pretty sure I'm destined for single life forever. I realize I'm probably a 6/7 out if 10 and I'm ok with that. Just can I be that bad looking that no one wants me?

I guess it's just life. Sorry for the depressing post. Just don't like going to friends with this kind of stuff. I'm the one everyone comes to for positive advice. Don't want them burdened with my problems. If anyone has advice feel free to comment. If not that's totally cool, just feels good to get some things off my chest.

[Thelegendarybritney]

don't worry , u will find the one soon , it's just the matter of time

[Lsuboi89]

don't worry , u will find the one soon , it's just the matter of time

Thank you. I really hope so. As much as I love my friends it kinda sucks being the 3rd wheel.

[Thelegendarybritney]

Thank you. I really hope so. As much as I love my friends it kinda sucks being the 3rd wheel.

yeah i feel u but don't think about it too much , just live ur life

[David]

So I'm pretty much just having an off day and just want to get stuff off my chest really. I'm the type that tends to be the one who helps fix people's problems and hates to have to make them listen to mine. So figured this is a good way to vent since I don't really know any of u.

I'm kinda at a low point in my dating life right now. Yes I've been single for 25 years so I guess it's been a ton of lows. I see friends kissing, being in love, and happy and I'm extremely happy for them. Just wish it would happen to me as well. Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed. I have an amazing job, greatest family and friends you could ask for, get to travel the world etc. But I can't lie, not having someone be there for me kinda sucks.

Most of it's my fault I guess. I'm insecure as hell, talk to much, come off wrong, my words are misinterrupted, way too honest, I come on strong, I'm an open book, stubborn, head strong, independent, and the list goes on. In other words I'm probably the furtherest from flawless as they come. I just don't know how to fix it. I always want to be myself, it's just I've been out through a ton with guys. It's hard for me to open up when I've been played and rejected so many times. Seems like everytime I start building my confidence it gets broken down by someone. I want the guy who can accept those flaws, help me work on them, make me a better person, etc. But I'm starting to think that will never happen.

I was the chubby kid all my life, first time without a shirt on in public was last year. So I think that has a lot to do with it. Just how do u fight that mentality u have lived with for so long? Blah... I'm pretty sure I'm destined for single life forever. I realize I'm probably a 6/7 out if 10 and I'm ok with that. Just can I be that bad looking that no one wants me?

I guess it's just life. Sorry for the depressing post. Just don't like going to friends with this kind of stuff. I'm the one everyone comes to for positive advice. Don't want them burdened with my problems. If anyone has advice feel free to comment. If not that's totally cool, just feels good to get some things off my chest.

 

It's good to vent and get things off your chest so I really think you did the right thing to speak your mind. I see where you are coming from, not only you are single but also full of insecurities and you are lacking someone who will help you get past them. It's normal and I know from my own experience. I'm younger than you, only eighteen years of age, but I did go through a huge breakup about two years ago and I was really emotionally attached back then. I wasn't with the guy for long, only six months, but he ended up cheating on me with with people from the internet as it was his way of making money. How fucking disgusting. I would and will never forgive anyone for cheating and the second I left him he triggered so many insecurities within myself by calling out on my flaws and certain body issues. I hated myself for it, wow, my boyfriend is sleeping around with other guys because I am not good enough for him and yet he has the courage to pick up on everything that I hate about myself and he perfectly knows of. It really was pathetic of him. But it worked, he really crushed me. I thought I was never going to open up to anyone, I was pushing guys away because I was scared they would pick on my flaws and I was just not happy with myself. 

 

This is why I believe the first thing you should start working on is not looking for a boyfriend but working on your self confidence. You are an intelligent guy and I can also tell you're also cute as fuck from your avi. Fuck it, nobody is perfect, you used to be too chubby, I used to be too thin but I highly doubt the guy you will get to date in the future will be walking perfection himself. Everyone has insecurities and it does take time to get past them. After two years of feeling shit with myself, with my looks and body, I found the guy who actually seems to accept and like all those things I hate, despite, wanna destroy about myself. He accepts me the way I am and loves my flaws and that's why I have never felt so happy and confident in a relationship. I have now started going to the gym regularly to gain body mass and I'm working on myself. Things do get better with time but it takes a lot of work and effort.

 

You'll do just great bab, just believe in yourself like you believe in others. 

[Lsuboi89]

yeah i feel u but don't think about it too much , just live ur life

For sure. . I do. Just have my moments every few months where I think too much. Lol. I'll get over it when I take trips the next few months probably. Just in a rut is all. Thanks for responding. I really do appreciate it. Feels good to get a little advice every now again since I'm usually the one giving it in most cases.

[Thelegendarybritney]

For sure. . I do. Just have my moments every few months where I think too much. Lol. I'll get over it when I take trips the next few months probably. Just in a rut is all. Thanks for responding. I really do appreciate it. Feels good to get a little advice every now again since I'm usually the one giving it in most cases.

no problem , i hope u feel better now

[Lsuboi89]

It's good to vent and get things off your chest so I really think you did the right thing to speak your mind. I see where you are coming from, not only you are single but also full of insecurities and you are lacking someone who will help you get past them. It's normal and I know from my own experience. I'm younger than you, only eighteen years of age, but I did go through a huge breakup about two years ago and I was really emotionally attached back then. I wasn't with the guy for long, only six months, but he ended up cheating on me with with people from the internet as it was his way of making money. How fucking disgusting. I would and will never forgive anyone for cheating and the second I left him he triggered so many insecurities within myself by calling out on my flaws and certain body issues. I hated myself for it, wow, my boyfriend is sleeping around with other guys because I am not good enough for him and yet he has the courage to pick up on everything that I hate about myself and he perfectly knows of. It really was pathetic of him. But it worked, he really crushed me. I thought I was never going to open up to anyone, I was pushing guys away because I was scared they would pick on my flaws and I was just not happy with myself.

This is why I believe the first thing you should start working on is not looking for a boyfriend but working on your self confidence. You are an intelligent guy and I can also tell you're also cute as fuck from your avi. Fuck it, nobody is perfect, you used to be too chubby, I used to be too thin but I highly doubt the guy you will get to date in the future will be walking perfection himself. Everyone has insecurities and it does take time to get past them. After two years of feeling shit with myself, with my looks and body, I found the guy who actually seems to accept and like all those things I hate, despite, wanna destroy about myself. He accepts me the way I am and loves my flaws and that's why I have never felt so happy and confident in a relationship. I have now started going to the gym regularly to gain body mass and I'm working on myself. Things do get better with time but it takes a lot of work and effort.

You'll do just great bab, just believe in yourself like you believe in others.

You my friend are absolutely amazing. Way beyond your years. That actually just made me smile. You definitely deserve that boyfriend and happiness u have now. You give me hope when it comes to guys in the world. If there are dudes like you out there, maybe I'm not a list cause after all. Lol

The dude who cheated on u is a complete dumbass in my opinion. I've never been cheated on since I've never been in a relationship but I have had multiple dudes talk to me for months. Went on dates, met friends, hung out, etc. Finally had sex, Only to find out they've had bfs for 6 months. So I can only imagine how that can make someone feel. No one deserves that.

Thank you for the advice. Probably some of the best I've gotten in a long time. Stuff I definitely needed to hear.

[David]

You my friend are absolutely amazing. Way beyond your years. That actually just made me smile. You definitely deserve that boyfriend and happiness u have now. You give me hope when it comes to guys in the world. If there are dudes like you out there, maybe I'm not a list cause after all. Lol

The dude who cheated on u is a complete dumbass in my opinion. I've never been cheated on since I've never been in a relationship but I have had multiple dudes talk to me for months. Went on dates, met friends, hung out, etc. Finally had sex, Only to find out they've had bfs for 6 months. So I can only imagine how that can make someone feel. No one deserves that.

Thank you for the advice. Probably some of the best I've gotten in a long time. Stuff I definitely needed to hear.

 

aw thank you so much and you are absolutely welcome!

[JoshLee]

Just wait and if you don't ask someone out or something

[MIKE]

Sometimes love comes when you least expect it or don't think you're ready for it. Look into every opportunity and don't turn down dates you are bound to find someone. And if not there are plenty of people were happy being single but that being said I don't think they come to that conclusion right away. Sorry it's bugging you I get where you're coming from and it's hard to hear the same old advice but it must be true as I'm sure that's why everyone says that

[Lsuboi89]

Sometimes love comes when you least expect it or don't think you're ready for it. Look into every opportunity and don't turn down dates you are bound to find someone. And if not there are plenty of people were happy being single but that being said I don't think they come to that conclusion right away. Sorry it's bugging you I get where you're coming from and it's hard to hear the same old advice but it must be true as I'm sure that's why everyone says that

yeah for the most part I am happy with being single, just have my moments when i'm with friends and they are in love, just wish I had it! That's what happened this weekend, best friend and his bf bought a house together, etc..just triggered some emotions i guess! I'm better now!  I agree definitely hard to hear the same stuff, but It's probably the truth! 

[Lsuboi89]

In the immortal words of Whitney Houston 'learning to love yourself, that is the greatest love of all' this is definitely applicable to you. I think your issue is that you're placing too much emphasis on finding someone and you're idealistic view that suddenly getting someone in your life is going to solve all of your problems, although romantic just isn't realistic. You need to do things for you, make yourself happy first. You can't expect anyone else to love you if you don't love yourself. I'm getting the impression that if you had someone you would be far too reliant on them emotionally this is unhealthy and is the reason why you have been hurt so much in the past. So yeah I'd say concentrate on making yourself happy and do things that you love and enjoy. Put finding someone to the back of your mind for now for as they say when you stop looking you end up finding someone.

Yeah I agree, I definitely need to love myself more! It's a work in progress, i've made huge strides in the past 2 years, just have to fight insecurities a lot! I think I push people away, because i'm not able to accept their compliments sometimes! I'm pretty happy though, I have an amazing life! Get to travel the world when i want, own my own company, work hard, have amazing family and friends, etc. I'm honestly really blessed, it's just i have my moments like this weekend seeing my best friend and his bf buy a house together, and just makes me kinda want it! I tend to overthink when i'm a little tipsy, especially when i might drink once a month! lol. But I'm all good now, it just felt great to vent a bit and not have to burden friends! Also it's good to get advice from others sometimes who are not your close friends! you tend to get more unbiased answers that way! I def agree on the doing things I enjoy, I don't know about the reliant thing though, i think i'm too head strong for that! I'm used to being the one relied on, so i'm usually the one who pays for the dates, who take cares of them, bring soup/give massages when sore, rubbing their head when they they can't sleep, etc. In 25 years, i've never had a dude take me on a date, i've only taken them and paid! I just want that normal dude who just becomes my equal, there when i need him, and i'll be there when he needs me! My mama is very independent and raised us to be like that, so I can do it on my own and remain single, it's just I would like a dude eventually! I def agree I should put it on the back burner though, just hard in this town to find someone, I live in a little country louisiana town where it's frowned upon to be gay, so you hard finding people! Hell I just learned that it's actually illegal in this state to have gay sex, it's still in the books in 2014! so basically you can just get arrested for having sex with a dude here! I appreciate the advice though dude, it was really great! You seem intelligent from reading some of your other posts as well, so I will definitely take some of this advice! Sports, work, Trips, and hanging with my family and friends will definitely get me through my single years for sure lol! Have huge trips planned the next few months, so it will keep my mind good i think. Your awesome dude, thanks for listening and sorry for my long responses, my friends call them novels lol! I talk a lot, i blame my mama lol! 

[GlenCoco]

Hey there, i really enjoy this kind of thread cuz maybe i'm might be helpfull or maybe not, but i really love to give some help, anyways...

i'm just like you 90% i was like OMG this is me, except i'm 21 and i have a BF now, but before him and still yet i'm like why why can't i get one, i was like, am i ugly? fat? am i annoying? boring? stupid? what the fuck is wrong with me, i was bullyed a lot in Mschool they always called me ugly, fat, i have a retard face etc, and that stucked to me untill today, sometimes i'm like yeah they are right, and sme times i'm like fuck'em, but most of the days i feel bad tbh, i started dating this guy until last year we broke up and we were like engaged but luv sucks man, but we got back together 4 months ago, but tbh i'm not happy rn, i'm just with him because i think is the only thing i will get, i mean it was hard to find him, and i love (what he used to be) now i'm bored and unhappy and don't have the guts to dump him, because i can't i'm like nobody will ever wana date me tbh. i mean was single for 7 months and nothing happend, i went out to some clubs, i had grindr, and nothing happend ...well i made a good friend

 

i'm a week person if someone comes at me at a bar or club and tells me you are good looking or anything nice! i'm like happy! but that has never happend

 

but what you have to do, is to be strong and Move, go out a lot, get on grindr, okcupid, hornet, tinder badoo, etc i mean is internet but sometimes is safer to met then there, but you have to be strong and realize you are good looking yeah i seen your pics lol in the contest, so dont think about your self like that, just keep moving and you will find the right one

 

btw: if you ever want to talk about this or anything PM anytime ... for realz

[Matilda]

glad you got to vent babe

 

we all need to sometimes

 

i feel the same way

 

low self esteem is a vicious cycle... i'd suggest talking to a therapist... 

 

there's nothing worng with wanting to get to know yourself and your problems better so you can start fixing them

 

i doubt you're unloveable and you sound like a great guy

 

take time to get to know yourself

 

and good luck!

[I Just Want More]

When it's meant to happen then it'll happen and it'll be better than you ever expected, i promise

[Lsuboi89]

Hey there, i really enjoy this kind of thread cuz maybe i'm might be helpfull or maybe not, but i really love to give some help, anyways...

i'm just like you 90% i was like OMG this is me, except i'm 21 and i have a BF now, but before him and still yet i'm like why why can't i get one, i was like, am i ugly? fat? am i annoying? boring? stupid? what the fuck is wrong with me, i was bullyed a lot in Mschool they always called me ugly, fat, i have a retard face etc, and that stucked to me untill today, sometimes i'm like yeah they are right, and sme times i'm like fuck'em, but most of the days i feel bad tbh, i started dating this guy until last year we broke up and we were like engaged but luv sucks man, but we got back together 4 months ago, but tbh i'm not happy rn, i'm just with him because i think is the only thing i will get, i mean it was hard to find him, and i love (what he used to be) now i'm bored and unhappy and don't have the guts to dump him, because i can't i'm like nobody will ever wana date me tbh. i mean was single for 7 months and nothing happend, i went out to some clubs, i had grindr, and nothing happend ...well i made a good friend

 

i'm a week person if someone comes at me at a bar or club and tells me you are good looking or anything nice! i'm like happy! but that has never happend

 

but what you have to do, is to be strong and Move, go out a lot, get on grindr, okcupid, hornet, tinder badoo, etc i mean is internet but sometimes is safer to met then there, but you have to be strong and realize you are good looking yeah i seen your pics lol in the contest, so dont think about your self like that, just keep moving and you will find the right one

 

btw: if you ever want to talk about this or anything PM anytime ... for realz

thank you sir! And I might just have to Pm you sometime. I'm sorry to hear about your bf as well. You seem like a great guy, so i'm sure you could find someone if you ever get the courage to move on. I just added okcupid, i have the other apps. I'm planning on moving in the next few months, so maybe just a fresh start and new area will do something. This small town is not helping things out. I appreciate you opening up and sharing your experience too. It's always nice to know i'm not alone. 

[Lsuboi89]

glad you got to vent babe

 

we all need to sometimes

 

i feel the same way

 

low self esteem is a vicious cycle... i'd suggest talking to a therapist... 

 

there's nothing worng with wanting to get to know yourself and your problems better so you can start fixing them

 

i doubt you're unloveable and you sound like a great guy

 

take time to get to know yourself

 

and good luck!

Yes it is. I'm really considering going to talk to someone. It could be a good thing to get advice from someone that is biased as a friend and family member would be. I appreciate the kind words. I definitely need all the luck i can get.

[Lsuboi89]

When it's meant to happen then it'll happen and it'll be better than you ever expected, i promise

I'm going take your word on that. I really hope so. 

[GlenCoco]

thank you sir! And I might just have to Pm you sometime. I'm sorry to hear about your bf as well. You seem like a great guy, so i'm sure you could find someone if you ever get the courage to move on. I just added okcupid, i have the other apps. I'm planning on moving in the next few months, so maybe just a fresh start and new area will do something. This small town is not helping things out. I appreciate you opening up and sharing your experience too. It's always nice to know i'm not alone. 

 

you are never alone! and yeah i might do the same have a fresh start in another city, start from 0! srsly good luck and srsly pm anytime 

[javi_spears]

So I'm pretty much just having an off day and just want to get stuff off my chest really. I'm the type that tends to be the one who helps fix people's problems and hates to have to make them listen to mine. So figured this is a good way to vent since I don't really know any of u.

I'm kinda at a low point in my dating life right now. Yes I've been single for 25 years so I guess it's been a ton of lows. I see friends kissing, being in love, and happy and I'm extremely happy for them. Just wish it would happen to me as well. Don't get me wrong. I'm blessed. I have an amazing job, greatest family and friends you could ask for, get to travel the world etc. But I can't lie, not having someone be there for me kinda sucks.

Most of it's my fault I guess. I'm insecure as hell, talk to much, come off wrong, my words are misinterrupted, way too honest, I come on strong, I'm an open book, stubborn, head strong, independent, and the list goes on. In other words I'm probably the furtherest from flawless as they come. I just don't know how to fix it. I always want to be myself, it's just I've been out through a ton with guys. It's hard for me to open up when I've been played and rejected so many times. Seems like everytime I start building my confidence it gets broken down by someone. I want the guy who can accept those flaws, help me work on them, make me a better person, etc. But I'm starting to think that will never happen.

I was the chubby kid all my life, first time without a shirt on in public was last year. So I think that has a lot to do with it. Just how do u fight that mentality u have lived with for so long? Blah... I'm pretty sure I'm destined for single life forever. I realize I'm probably a 6/7 out if 10 and I'm ok with that. Just can I be that bad looking that no one wants me?

I guess it's just life. Sorry for the depressing post. Just don't like going to friends with this kind of stuff. I'm the one everyone comes to for positive advice. Don't want them burdened with my problems. If anyone has advice feel free to comment. If not that's totally cool, just feels good to get some things off my chest.

 

I´m a really insecure person, I´ve been played around by guys many times... and I´ve learned something, finding someone honest is

 

a treasure, so first of all don´t reject that part of yourself because it´s really great when you have someone you know will speak its

 

mind always ^^

 

I know what it is to have a hard time opening... and I know that crave you feel when you want to love someone and it doesn´t come

 

even if as you say it everything else in your life is fine, maybe you even feel guilty for complaining about it, but it´s great for you to

 

do it, and even if you are the kind of guy which solves others problems, you need to free yours also and tell them to the people you

 

love, cause if they love you they are going to be your best support.

 

You seem like a nice and honest guy so don´t worry, I bet you´ll find someone that will love you with all your good and bad things,

 

because when you love someone you accept its bad things and not only the good ones, you don´t try to change him. You don´t have

 

to change, you have to find someone who lets you be as you are, Improving yourself is a different matter tho

 

 

Just don´t worry, eventually your wish will come true, being handsome and nice plays in your favour

 

 

 

Everyone forgive my english pls 

[Lsuboi89]

I´m a really insecure person, I´ve been played around by guys many times... and I´ve learned something, finding someone honest is

 

a treasure, so first of all don´t reject that part of yourself because it´s really great when you have someone you know will speak its

 

mind always ^^

 

I know what it is to have a hard time opening... and I know that crave you feel when you want to love someone and it doesn´t come

 

even if as you say it everything else in your life is fine, maybe you even feel guilty for complaining about it, but it´s great for you to

 

do it, and even if you are the kind of guy which solves others problems, you need to free yours also and tell them to the people you

 

love, cause if they love you they are going to be your best support.

 

You seem like a nice and honest guy so don´t worry, I bet you´ll find someone that will love you with all your good and bad things,

 

because when you love someone you accept its bad things and not only the good ones, you don´t try to change him. You don´t have

 

to change, you have to find someone who lets you be as you are, Improving yourself is a different matter tho

 

 

Just don´t worry, eventually your wish will come true, being handsome and nice plays in your favour

 

 

 

Everyone forgive my english pls 

Your english was fine. Those were great words! thank you! You seem like a great guy too  All of y'alls comments have helped a lot.